I Learned To Trust

At some point, I learned to trust 

to believe that my husband’s dreams were his to own 

and he could navigate them alone

 I alongside as a buoy

my warm embrace

a safe space 

to believe that my children’s personalities, wants, and desires were theirs to own

that they could navigate it alone 

I alongside as a buoy

my warm embrace 

a safe space

to believe that I too have a journey to own

and can navigate it on my own

my husband alongside as a buoy

his warm embrace

my safe space 

I learned to let go of control

to trust each one

to believe in them---- 

When?

when I learned to trust--- in Hashem. 

I did not always know this

I could not hear this truth 

because I was controlling and anxious for most of my “youth” 

at some point it became clear

that the one-dimensional living was the root of my fear

this short-sighted vision

was underneath my trauma in every decision 

I had to figure it out because deep in my core

I knew there was a better way

and this voice I could not ignore 

I don’t know who needs to hear this, so I will say it to all

God runs the show

events big and small

In this weeks Torah portion we read 

of the Jews submerged in the depths of de-Nile

they too believed that their fear and despair 

were feelings worthwhile

their slavery was physical

yet spiritual too

this happens when one thinks

 we live in one reality instead of two

events take place in front of our clear naked eyes 

we shudder in fear from the ugliness and lies

this is because we are prone to forget

that God’s presence is well disguised 

all of the concealment  

causes us to feel doom and gloom

it’s the easy way to view the world 

when for a higher purpose you make no room 

if you trust and believe with your innermost grace 

then fall back and land

in God’s cushioned embrace 

let go of your ego

He runs the show

try it for yourself

into His arms free fall

like I do for my children and husband

He’ll catch you

your ego and all